Do you ever look in the mirror and not recognize the person staring back at you? For many of us, the way we see ourselves when we close our eyes is different than reality. Due to media and social influences I personally think I should be a size 6 (maybe an 8) with the looks of a movie star. (Jennifer Aniston and Sara Michelle Gellar come to mind from my youth.) So, when I close my eyes I see myself in that way – young, skinny, and perfect when in reality I am uncomfortable because I do not like the way I look. This ends up curbing my personality because I tend to hide. I was not always that way. When I was younger I was the outgoing one that would never shut up and tended to talk to anyone that would listen. My insecurities took that from me. Luckily for me we now have the world of gaming and more recently VR.
My Early History with Gaming
Being that I was born in the 70’s, most people did not have a computer in their home. Gaming consoles were starting to emerge and your phone was attached to the wall with a long cord. I was lucky to have a friend when I as in 1st grade that got an Atari Gaming System. Pong, Donkey Kong, and Frogger were my friends. Outside of going to an arcade this was my first experience with what I call gaming. Our first computer was a Commodore 64 and I was only allowed to use it to play Meteor Multiplication. It wasn’t until 1989 that the first Game Boy came out and there was no way to pry it out of my younger brother’s hands. In the 80’s and 90’s there was a stigma around gamers. They were often portrayed as young white males that were socially inept and very pale from all of the time spent in their parent’s basement mashing buttons. (Basically, not me.) I was spending my time chasing boys, in clubs, at college, and meeting my husband. My next adventures came about with the invention of Facebook and the dreaded Farmville. Even though it was technically a solitary game, I was connecting with people and making friends in an effort to get more gifts. I would play Minesweeper and Solitaire on my computer as well. These games would help me to escape from the stresses of life for a small snippet of time.
Along Came the iPhone
The invention of the iPhone is where my social gaming became more of a reality. Yes, I played Solitaire, and Candy Crush. My kids got me to play Plants Vs. Zombies, Doodle Jump, Jetpack Joyride and Angry Birds with them. Then one day back in 2015 I was introduced to Game of War. This game was not only an escape from reality but it would become a social experience. I got in with a powerhouse group and was sucked into the competitiveness of it. I would get pings in the middle of the night telling me to get on, we were being attacked. We would have live chats to discuss strategy and a few of us even became gaming friends. We would chat online with each other about our lives and were a support network of sorts. The thing with having friends online though is that you never know what is truly real. Having a voice chat helps some but you are never 100% sure. No one knew who I really was or what I looked like and it was freeing. The harsh reality of it came crashing down one day though. I was a year and a half in to the game and out hundreds of dollars. The game, which was always pay to play for my circle, became too expensive. I couldn’t do it anymore and very quickly I found out that those who claimed to be my friends in game were not because I was no longer useful to them. I needed to fill the hole left from leaving the game with something else so in early 2017 I moved on to War and Order. At the time you could be a force in the game without having to pay. Of course, that changed over time. It was a repeat of Game of War though …. make friends in game, start believing in the illusion and then when you are finally done with the game, come to the realization that they were never truly your friends. Even if it was for a small amount of time though, it gave me a chance to be myself with no worries of being judged. And if by chance someone did try to judge me I could tell myself that they didn’t really know me.
My Son’s VR Gaming Changed My Life
My son has always enjoyed gaming. He has an uncle that would give him his hand me down systems whenever he upgraded. They would play games like Call of Duty, Grand Theft Auto, and Halo. Then one day my son asked us to buy him an Oculus Rift. He already had a love of gaming and coding so this was something we felt we could invest in for him. He would move through the different headsets but for one game, the game that I believe helped to propel him to where he is today, he always went back to the CV1. That game was Echo Arena. He made it on to a Master Tier team and they would cast the games on Twitch. This is where I first began to interact with the Echo Community. I would watch his matches and comment in the chats encouraging not only my son but the other players as well. I interacted with the castors and eventually became one of the “Mom Squad”. I was his biggest fan. Interacting with the casters and other players made me start to see the amazing social network he was building and it was somewhere I could just be myself. People didn’t care what you looked like or who you were in real life. It was one of the most supportive communities I had ever come to know. He made it on a NEPA Pro team and we attended our first LAN in St. Louis. This was different from my previous social experiences because here i was meeting people in person. Everyone at this major event was welcoming. Even though they did not know much about me, outside of being KFC’s mom, I felt like I was making good friends. Going to the LAN in St. Louis was such an amazing experience that when he asked if we could go to Toronto for a LAN I jumped at the opportunity. It was another fantastic experience with amazing people. It made me grateful that they were a part of not only my son’s life but mine as well. I tried for a time to play Echo but it was towards the end of its life. I frequently got motion sickness playing the game and decided to not put the effort into becoming a master player. When the shutdown of Echo was announced my household was in shock. Here my son was looking forward to another NEPA LAN and a 3rd season of playing professional Echo, and all of that was being shattered. This wasn’t the end of our journey with the Echo community though. Things were about to become even more amazing.
Enter Another Axiom and A2
As part of the game coming to an end we traveled to Denver for the sunset cup. It was an opportunity to say what we thought was goodbye to the many friends we had made. Little did we know that there was a small little gaming company (although not so small anymore) that would give us a glimmer of hope that maybe those friendships didn’t have to end. We attended a special event that was hosted by Another Axiom. It was at this event that Lemming and David, after being introduced by Sir Dimwi, would announce to those who were gathered, and through social media to the world, that they had begun working on a successor to Echo. Lemming, who was one of the original champions of Echo, had gone on to create a little game called Gorilla Tag and founded Another Axiom. It was his love of Echo that brought him together with David, one of the developers of Echo. Together, with many others from the Echo community, they were setting on a path to create what was at the time called A2. My son was chosen as one of the original early access play testers. As part of this, as a family we decided to go to Las Vegas for their First Look event for the game. It was another opportunity to hang out with the friends we had made along the way and an excuse to get myself and my son the new Quest 3. (This was my first VR headset by the way.) I wanted to be able to see what my son had been helping with. Little did I know that myself and his sister would be added to early access at this event.
The Reality of My Social Oasis
Getting into the early access program for A2, now called Orion Drift, was a turning point in my life. I now could participate in the community I had grown to love not just as an outsider, but as one of them. I could chat with new friends I was making and hang out with them in game. The thing about VR is that it is completely immersive. I believe diegetic is the phrase Another Axiom’s creators like to use. When you are in game you can have conversations with people. You can look around you and see your surroundings in 3D and if someone is talking behind you, you can tell they are behind you. This creates its own sense of reality. When I am in game I am not the overweight, middle aged woman that I am. I am in a social oasis and can just be Tludd. It doesn’t matter how I look, how much money I have, where I live, or what I do for a living – I am just me. This experience can be very freeing, especially for someone like myself that is mentally disassociated from my true appearance. If I need to talk to a friend I can hop on Discord or jump in game. I have even made friends in other VR games like Vegas Infinite and Walkabout Mini Golf. As a part of experiencing this, I can also see where being in VR could be an Oasis for younger people as well. They don’t need to worry about whether their face is broken out in pimples or if they don’t look like the popular kids. When they are in game they become in their own right special. It is also a way to escape the stress, and sometimes the cruelty, of the world we live in.
Where I Want to Go from Here
In the real world I am a 27-year veteran teacher. I’ve taught elementary school and in the past couple of years I have become a high school teacher. Inspired by my children’s experiences in high school and my son’s love of coding I became a computer science teacher. I also became the eSports coach for my high school. Being in the early access program for Orion Drift has shown me the amazing potential that the game will have. I want to see VR games in high school esports. We always talk about trying to help kids live healthy lifestyles. Being in a VR competitive sport will give them the gaming they love with the added benefits of social interaction and physical exercise. (I definitely work up a sweat playing the game and I don’t put as much physical exertion into it as the younger players do.) I want to be a part of something bigger. I’ve seen how there can be toxicity in the real world that bleeds over into a gaming community and I want to be one to help decrease that so others can experience the gaming community as an oasis like I do. I have begun trying to learn as much as I can about the gaming world and I hope to one day have a job, even if it is part time, where I can help make the community all that it can be. Wish me luck in my journey and I hope to see you one day in Orion Drift with me.
Trish Luddy 
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